i should have seen it coming from miles away. all the same signs were there, oh that sounds really cool, what else do they have? my, there's an entire series they've made revolving around this magnificent and unique sound they create? wow, there's an entire fandom based around bret/jemaine? how could i have been so blind?
my writing tends to be the same way, following my interests from here to there on a regular basis. i mean, before harry potter, there was nothing, and in the short span of a few months i'd broken into potc, lotr, and snowballed into bandom slash. even rps was making it's way onto my flavor of the month club. now, i know this is all natural, that a person's interests should change so over time, but after a while i feel as if i've abandoned certain things that i know i once held dear to me. or maybe it's that in finding new and enlightening items, the old never really got past it's "nostalia" feeling and bring to light something i'd never seen before. i kinda wonder sometimes if it's not the same way with drugs, getting desensitized and eventually needing more and more to even get the same feeling a little used to give you.
so now i'm left with a bunch of balls of fic in the air, ideas that won't materialize into actual product, and folders and files filled with half-written and marginally formed pieces of crap that i thought to pass off as my "creative writing". when did it become that, though my writing when i was younger could reach audiences and be praised, but now i read it and think what the hell was i on when i wrote such juvenile shit and yet cannot produce anything of any importance in my maturing years? i get the feeling that with age comes a maturity that's tangible and emits from its core a message that you can only feel in your heart. when did i stop writing from the heart, and where does it come from now? why can't i finish what i start?
i feel stuck in the road. like i was walking along a really hot, desert road, and in stopping to rest my feet, they sank into the melting asphalt and and bound me from the waist down in the under-asphalt. it seems struggles really were my only means of motivation, and without the struggle, what the hell else is there to do?
but, at least i have flight of the conchords to keep me entertained. for now, anyway
- Mood:
pensive - Music:if you're into it -flight of the conchords
- Mood:
sad
oh well, i've got a week or so to do an outline. in the meantime, i suppose i should finish the dethkink prompt, or even my jcs story (which is gonna be sooo steamy, i can't even believe it). and i should remind myself to do some cleaning this week, especially since i've got like, three days off this week... >_>
- Mood:
artistic - Music:the going price for home -the prize fighter inferno
And then getting -such- writer's block, or being so preoccupied that writing took a backseat to everything else. But not next month! I've got a brand new job at an unbelievably awesome cosmetics shop (stop by LUSH across from Build-a-Bear at the Mall of America for some really good products and really awesome demos!) and I've even got plotbunnies that are making their way into reality in two different fandoms (Metalocalypse and JCS, heeheehee). It's time for change, as the election campaigns say, and I can feel change a comin'.
- Mood:
calm - Music:Herod's Song -Vienna JCS
Also, I'm now thouroughly entrenched in JCS mania. It's a severe show of willpower that I haven't ordered the Amstetten production, but as soon as the WotLK CEs arrive, oh fuck yeah momma.
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Gethsemane
a brand new computer of your very own to play wow on
^_^
- Mood: happy
- Music:Alice in Wonder Underground- buck tick
and the windows. can't wait like last time and plastic them up after the worse of winter has already passed. kind of defeats the purpose, yeah?
and i suppose the sudden burst of activeness can be cuz of the guild. we're getting ready to (fiannly) tackle kara as a guild, instead of subbing here and there for other guilds. it'll be a nice change of pace, and the guildies and i are really excited about it. just a few more preparations and our pally'll be keyed, another lock, and then some in general runs for upgrades, and i think we'll do fine. time to see how well we all really can work together.
- Mood: busy
- Music:Justice in Murder-co&ca
